There have been many times in my life when I thought I was angry, only to discover that it was really frustration. Frustration, at its core is wanting something to be other than it is: A different time; a different place; a different color; a different job; a different feeling; a different person. It doesn’t matter what it is, you just want it to be different.

Since you probably don’t have a magic lamp with a wish-granting genie inside, I am guessing that you have probably been frustrated at one time or another.

For many us, a lot of our frustration comes from our deepest desires being constantly unmet.  If you’ve been chasing something for years, and don’t feel like you’re getting any closer, you’re going to feel frustrated.  There may be times when you feel like screaming to no one in particular, “Just give me what I want already!”  And for some of us, it’s other people who seem to be our primary source of aggravation.  They’re simply not cooperative, courteous, appreciative, or thoughtful enough for our liking, or maybe they just refuse to see things our way.

So what is it that has you pulling your hair out, swearing under your breath, and banging your head against the wall?  Who is it that has you completely mad?  Is it your boss?  Maybe it’s your rude neighbors?  Does your significant other refuse to budge on an important issue?

Do you find yourself increasingly annoyed with our elected officials?  Why can’t they deliver on their promises? Are you sick of struggling to pay the bills, or tired of dragging in your studies?  Fed up with your dead end job?  Are you exasperated that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to lose weight and get in shape?

All of these examples are common sources of frustration, and most of us learn to deal with and accept them.  However, some problems can get you so down, that they can negatively affect the quality of your life.  You could find yourself so overwhelmed and beat down by frustration that you start spending your days wallowing in despair.  Also, chronic frustration will eventually rob you of your motivation, and have you ready to just give up.

Unlocking yourself from feeling chronic frustration is not as hard as it might seem at first glance.  But it does require a drastic change in attitude.  You must resolve to stop giving in to feelings of hopelessness, and start finding solutions.  Here are four good tips for freeing yourself from the clutches of frustration:

Find A Way to Vent

A big part of frustration is the feeling is that nobody’s listening, nobody understands, or nobody cares.  Finding effective ways to vent and be heard can go a long way towards curbing the feeling of being totally flustered.  Annoyed with your neighbors?  Then join or create a neighborhood association to, among other things, address your issues.  Is there serious friction between you and your spouse?  Schedule a couple’s therapy session, or seek out the assistance of your local clergy.  Can’t seem to drop that extra 20lbs?  Arrange a consultation with a personal trainer or local nutritionist, and describe to them your weight loss challenges.  Heck, sometimes all it takes is the willingness to open up to a trusted friend or relative, and confide in them some of your struggles.  Although your problems won’t vanish instantly, the burden of carrying your angst in silence will be lifted considerably.

Set Goals

The most maddeningly frustrating thing about most bothersome situations is the feeling that you’re just treading water; in other words, you’re going nowhere.  However, by setting goals you’re taking definite action towards a solution, or resolution of some sort.  The knowledge that you’re actively working on the problem instead of just being frustrated about is very reassuring, and can help abate any feelings of defeatism trying to creep in.

When I felt thwarted by my sluggish weight loss, here‘s what I did:  I simply set a goal to exercise a certain number of times each week, and eat six servings of fruits and veggies every day.  That’s it.  This simple goal really helped me stay focused, and the realization that I would reach my objective, no matter how slowly, did wonders for my motivation.

Change Your Perspective

Rarely can you come up with an effective solution to a problem or challenge when you’ve given into frustration about it.  One way to free yourself from this trap is to change your perspective, so that you can see the positive in your situation.  Are you frustrated over work, or one of the lucky ones to have a job?  Is your wife driving you crazy, or are you counting your blessings that you have someone?  Is a client slow to pay, or are you fortunate to have clients?  Surprisingly, when you shift your stance this way, uncanny solutions to your problems often show up right out of the blue.

Get Creative

It’s a good idea to start thinking outside the box for clever solutions, strategies, and other ways to tackle frustrating problems.  Are the pounds coming off too slowly?  Start walking or biking to work!  I’m serious!  I used to do it, and trust me; I was adjusting my belt notch every two weeks.  As an added bonus, the additional exercise was an unexpected mood booster, and I felt much less frustrated in general.

Are you frustrated that money is always tight?  Then it’s time to take a hard look at your talents.  That’s right, your talents.  Everyone has a talent at something, or expert knowledge on some subject. Brainstorm long and hard, and find a way to use the Internet to get started.  This can work full-time, or in your spare time.

Fancy yourself an expert on, say, watches or camera’s for example?  Why not start a blog?  Blogs are often the starting point to a myriad of online income-earning opportunities.  Are you a wiz in the kitchen?  Get your name out there and do some local catering.  The list can go on forever, but the aim is to tackle your money problems head on, and alleviate your frustration by bringing in some extra bucks – and doing something you’re already good at.

Let’s face it:  frustration is a part of life.  As long as we want anything, frustration is bound to follow at least some of the time.  In addition, other people have their own quirks, habits, and idiosyncrasies so frustration with them is inevitable at some point.  Regardless, we don’t have to stay down in the dumps, or get depressed when things don’t go right.  Life will always present us with challenges, problems, and difficulties to deal with.  Our job is to stand tall in the face of problems, and discover ways to solve them.  Then you’ll find your chronic frustration has been replaced by a much more welcome guest:  peace of mind!

—-

Lisa H. is a mother, blogger, runner and happiness seeker. Her blog, Getting to Zen inspires personal success through action. If you want to awaken your spirit, you can subscribe here.

In addition to blogging, Lisa is a co-author of Overcoming Fear: Sticking it to What’s Holding You Back, a unique program designed to help you get out of your own way and create the life that you want. To read more of Lisa’s articles, visit her blog. 

We all go through it.  We all know it is necessary in our lives.  We all know it is the basis for self growth and expanding the horizons in our lives.  It is CHANGE.  It can be scary, it can be fun, it can be emotionally draining and yet emotionally stimulating.  In essence, it can be, no it is, what you make it to be.

Either way you approach it, change can certainly be overwhelming.  So here are some quick tips on how to best manage change.

1.  View the change in the most positive light you can.

2.  Stay active, exercise, put yourself in a position of feeling great about yourself, and confident.

3.  Focus on one main task to accomplish at a time related to your change event.  Focus on one main goal until it is accomplished.

4.  Simplify your life and eliminate the non-essential during this period.

5.  Exude kindness to everyone.

6.  Create a positive daily routine for yourself that is aligned with positively affecting your change event.

You probably want more now on the HOW’s to do these things.  Here is a very good first hand experience blog post from Leo Babauta at Zenhabits that makes some great points;

Read ==> 7 Little Habits That Can Change Your Life, and How to Form Them.

by Sonia Simone for Copyblogger

You’ve heard all the advice about how to be more productive. Stay focused, be motivated, get your exercise, floss twice a day and eat your veggies.

We’ve chimed in with our own thoughts on thehabits of highly effective bloggers.

Twice, in fact.

And the truth is, I’ve gotten a lot out of productivity advice. If it weren’t for David Allen and Tony Schwartz, my life would consist of eating cupcakes and checking Netflix to see if there’s a new Phineas & Ferb out.

But as a business owner, when you start to see a certain level of success — and to meet other people who have attained some success — you sometimes find the reality of building a business doesn’t always match the pretty pictures painted in productivity manuals.

Today I’m going to talk about 7 “bad” habits that crop up a lot in successful people.

You may not want to actually adopt all of these habits and traits. But if you have one or two (or more) of them, you can probably stop using that as an excuse for not trying to create something epic.

And who knows, we just might convince you to be a little more distractible, greedy, or arrogant.

Let’s get to it.

Bad Habit #1: Being thin-skinned

When you first start a business, everyone and his know-it-all uncle tells you that “you have to develop a thick skin.”

What I’ve observed is that quite often, this advice comes from people who are praising themselves for being utterly oblivious.

Most of the successful people I know are sensitive and perceptive. And yes, when they get criticized, they feel like shit.

Do they let trolls and whiners stop them from doing something great? No.

But it’s not because they don’t feel the insults … it’s because their passion for what they do is stronger than the discomfort.

The more progress you make, the thicker your emotional skin will naturally get, because you’ll start to realize that you’re actually doing something that matters, and the peanut gallery isn’t.

But you don’t have to try to rush that process … and anyway, I’ve never known anyone who could. Sensitivity is an asset, don’t try to beat it out of yourself.

Bad Habit #2: Flakiness

We all know we shouldn’t let things slip through the cracks.

We should answer every email. Reply to every comment. Get back to all of those @ messages on Twitter. Wish our customers a happy birthday on Facebook. Get our taxes done before 11 PM on tax day.

If you can actually do all of this, that is awesome. Don’t stop.

But if you sometimes flake out — flake out on things that are important and worth your while — welcome to the club.

The truth is, if you’re building something epic, you’re going to be juggling a lot of pieces. They don’t always go together neatly. Sometimes they don’t go together at all.

When I was a 22-year-old administrative assistant, I never blew anything off. I was impeccable in how I handled all of my responsibilities. Because my responsibilities were essentially uncomplicated.

That’s exactly why I didn’t remain an administrative assistant.

In my life now, sometimes I miss stuff. And since everything I do revolves around connecting with people, it’s all important — because every human is important.

I don’t like dropping the ball and failing to email a friend back … or that scramble I had the night before last to get my tax checks mailed, for that matter.

Believe it or not, flakes can accomplish amazing things. And if you’ve never been a flake before, you may find this less-than-lovely trait comes out when things start to get really interesting.

If you’re stretching yourself, you’ll drop the ball sometimes. Try to figure out the circumstances in which you should never let yourself drop the ball, Make sure the “A” tasks get done.

Do your best, and say sorry when you screw up. But don’t stop just because things get messy.

Bad Habit #3: Selfishness

Rather closely aligned with Bad Habit #2, if you aren’t able to be at least somewhat selfish, you’re never going to survive this.

You’ve got to selfishly draw some lines — around how you’re going to take care of yourself, around how much time you’ll give to your project, around getting enough sleep and taking some time off.

The sad fact is, unless you’re under ten years old, if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else is going to show up and do it for you.

It’s ridiculous to burn down your life to create a successful company. Ridiculous and unnecessary and antithetical to success. So don’t.

And if the “rules” of your industry say you have to destroy yourself to become successful, change industries or rewrite the rules.

Bad Habit #4: Greed

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
~Dorothy Parker

This is going to freak some people out. I can see the anti-marketing haters rubbing their hands together even as I type this.

But that’s not helping you, so screw them.

Here’s the straight dope: If you think money is the root of all evil, you’re unlikely to ever get your hands on any.

I don’t know why this is, but money can tell when you’re allergic to it, and it stays away. (Proof positive that money is not a domestic house cat.)

Please note that by telling you to “be greedy” I do not mean “be an unfeeling, unethical ratbag.”

The best (and most fun) way to make money is by helping other people … a lot.

I’m also not saying that money will be mystically attracted to you if you change your mindset. “The secret” to financial success tends to involve plenty of work, not magical pseudo-laws.

But there are no accidental millionaires. The closest we have — lottery winners — rarely manage to keep hold of their wealth.

If you want to make money, value money. Not above integrity or your family or your soul’s great passion … but honor money for what it can do, for you and for others.

You can always give it away to someone who needs it more badly than you do. But you’ve got to earn it first.

Bad Habit #5: Distractibility

Creativity is the residue of time wasted.
~Albert Einstein

For reasons that will become obvious, I loved reading about some research results in the new bookImagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer.

A large sample of undergraduates was given a variety of difficult creative tests. It turned out that students who had been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder were much better at solving creative problems than other students were.

And when the students were asked about creative accomplishments in the real world (say, winning a prize at a juried art show, or winning an honor at a science fair), the ADHD students had achieved significantly more.

Lehrer goes on to point out similar heightened creativity in people who may not have a particular diagnosis, but for one reason or another, they’re not as traditionally focused as their peers.

From Lehrer’s book:

Although we live in an age that worships attention — when we need to work, we force ourselves to concentrate — this approach can inhibit the imagination. Sometimes it helps to consider irrelevant information, to eavesdrop on all the stray associations unfolding in the far reaches of the brain. Occasionally, focus can backfire and make us fixated on the wrong answers.

Insane focus is highly admirable. And we all know we’ve got to ship.

But some of the people you might envy for their laser focus have a hard time seeing the broader picture. They may be executing the hell out of their strategy today … but watch what they do in the long term.

The more widely you read, look, watch, listen, and think, the more genuinely remarkable ideas you’re going to come up with.

When it’s time to do, do. And when it’s time to daydream, go ahead and daydream.

Bad Habit #6: Self doubt

I know a local business owner who’s always got a story about his idiot business partners, his idiot employees, his idiot customers.

One of his businesses just fell apart. Spectacularly.

Again.

It’s a painful situation for him, and for all of his employees who just lost their jobs. I feel bad for him. But one thing I can be sure of — at no point will he ask himself this important question:

Is it me?

Yes, you need to be able to make decisions, but Jim Collins showed nicely in his book Great by Choice that one marker of a business leader who succeeds over time is what Collins calls “productive paranoia.”

Believing in yourself no matter what is often touted as critical to leadership. And it is effective ingetting a leadership position. Blind faith in yourself (also known as narcissism) is a great trait if you want to climb the traditional corporate ladder.

Unfortunately, it’s often associated with leading your organization right off a cliff.

Which means that for an entrepreneur — without a golden parachute or pals on the right boards of directors — a big dose of healthy self-doubt is much more useful.

Question yourself. Question your assumptions. Take action, yes — but inform your action with a dose of productive paranoia.

Bad Habit #7: Arrogance

Sometimes we think good work speaks for itself.

Usually, we’re wrong.

I want you to be incredibly good at what you do. And I want you to get a little bit arrogant about that.

Toot your own horn. Admit that you’re kind of a big deal.

As Amber Naslund said in her post about misguided career beliefs,

The line between savvy and jackwad is indeed a fine one.

Obviously we try to keep off the jackwad side of the fence.

But for your project to become truly epic — to help an epic number of people — you’re going to have to get out there and talk it up. Which will make some people uncomfortable. And since you don’t have a thick skin (see #1), that’s going to kind of suck.

Fortunately, doing something epic takes the sting out.

So get out there and do it.

How about you?

Have any “bad” habits that come in handy when you’re doing the Amazing Thing You Do?

Let us know about it in the comments.

from maneandchic by kai

Who are you? Who do you want to be? Have you branded yourself? What 3 words describe you now in this moment? What 3 words do you want to describe you? What 3 feelings do you want people to feel when they encounter you or think of you? Of course we are all super complex creatures and 3 words are hardly enough to encompass our complexity, but for the sake of this assignment it will help you focus on the person you are and the person you are becoming. The 3 words should align with your major goals. One of the things I have done is to write the words on a mirror with lipstick/eyeliner, a dry erase board or on Post-Its in places that I look at frequently throughout the day to help me stay focused on my goals.

Here are some examples to help you get started:

How you see yourself in your mind is what you are going to manifest in your life. Plain and simple. You will never rise higher than your own perceived expectations. So…How do see yourself? Are you a positive, outgoing individual? Or are you a quiet little mouse hiding in the corner afraid of the future?

You have control over your mind and emotions. Simply put you have the power already inside you to determine which path your life will follow. You can reprogram your mind through meditations, positive thoughts, saying or writing out positive affirmations. The word affirmations means to make true. What do you want to change in your life?

Make a list. Number your list in order of importance to you. Decide what one thing you want to work on. Only one goal or dream at a time, so as not to overload yourself. It has been said that it takes only 21 days to make or break a habit. You could be only 21 days from your greatest successes! How great would that be? You may feel that you have a long way to go, but look back at how far you’ve already come?

Before I dive into this, it’s important that you simply perceive what self help, personal development and self improvement, actually mean? In a nut shell, it’s anything to try and do with improving or developing yourself. As an example, career, relationships, health, psychology, etc.. Mainly ,self facilitated discovery, learning of information, or tools that smooth the progress of you, to help yourself.

So… Question?

Has there ever been a time in your life where you couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come? or maybe you couldn’t sleep as a result of having such a great time? You’ve felt like that at least once in your life, right? I’m sure you have a huge smile on your face simply remembering those ‘fun times’…

But here’s what I’m getting to, why can’t each second of every single day be like that, for you, me – ALL OF US?…

Well truly, that day will come. Truly, it will! It’s a lot of easier than you would possibly think… But, FIRST, you would like to know how that’s done.

Do you believe this is within reach?… With good self improvement strategies, it is!

Everybody deserves to live a unprecedented life, and now, with these simple ways, EVERYBODY can.

If you are at all inquisitive about self improvement or personal development, it’s important to urge ’1st things FIRST’. In alternative words, start from the bottom up. Image this, imagine I gave you a recipe to create a cake, you wouldn’t begin from step five, would you? Self improvement is no different…

Therefore, let’s do things properly and begin from the all necessary first step!…

STEP ONE is the most vital step of all, and it plays the largest part in what we have a tendency to all crave in life – Happiness! Step one isn’t solely the most necessary step, however also the most difficult. This is often the stage were you build your life’s foundational values, but not just any old values, they have to be ROCK SOLID values.

STEP TWO helps to suit the items to your self-improvement puzzle. You’ve got to ‘recognize’ what the that means of life is. ‘Knowing’ this, will facilitate your to shape your life. My theory on what life means, is this – “Life is a never ending, ‘roller coaster’ journey of CHOICES and EMOTIONS”. Ultimately, everybody desires to be happy. Onto step three…

STEP THREE, is to search out, or perceive, what YOUR purpose in life is. Another method, “what am I here for?” Do not worry, this is not as tough or mysterious as it sounds, we all have the right ‘tool’ for doing this – Our EMOTIONS. Yes, it is true, your emotions will be your ally or worst enemy, and typically at the identical time! So you’ll have to ask yourself, “What’s it that I really love doing?”. Then take that a step more and ask yourself, “What FEATURES does my passion have that I really like?”.

STEP FOUR involves really constructing your DREAM Life. This part will stretch your self-improvement expertise to the limit, but don’t worry, it is doable. This step relies on the options you identified in step 3 and one in all the primary powerful personal development tools around – GOAL SETTING! Try this for each of the different departments of your life.

Now for the MOST exciting part…

STEP FIVE – Live the life you have designed in your personal development plan. In alternative words, live your DREAM Life!

Naturally, there’s a bit more to it, but hopefully you get the general gist of self improvement, and what is required to measure your DREAM Life!

It takes simply 1 second to choose to vary your life, so what are you going to come to a decision to do in the subsequent few seconds? It’s up to you. If you had simply 30 days left to measure, what would you do?

Put One Foot In Front of the Other
by Trevor Lund

What do you do when life doesn’t make sense?
You put one foot in front of the other.
What do you do when your plans are a mess?
You put one foot in front of the other.

What do you do when hope just seems lost?
What do you do when you find out the cost?
What do you do when your dreams are a loss?

You put one foot in front of the other.

God’s Word is the lamp for your feet
And again will be the light for your path
Until then know
His direction to go

And put one foot in front of the other.

– Benjamin Spock

“You Must Make Your Own Way”

No one is given their own path in life.

No one is given their best life to live.

No one is given their strongest thriving family.

Our path is created through our choices. Our best life is there if we choose to reach for it and our strong positive family is there to build.

The beauty is you have the choice to make your own way.

It just takes one dream, one belief, one action and only one person to make a positive and influential impact on your family and the people around you.

Make your own positive way so that your family will be influenced to do the same.

Do it for your family…Today!

~J. Charest